Tag Archives: edward maya

no shirt, no shoes… COME ON IN!

3 Jul

It’s pretty normal to see a general lack of clothing when you’re at an outdoor musical festival like Lolla. It’s hot, it’s sticky, and inhibitions are usually nowhere to be found.

I was not, however, prepared for the spectacle I witnessed at Edward Maya at the Congress Theater last night. Never have I seen so many cutout shirts, f**k me pumps, panties being worn as shorts, bras as tops, or bump-its in the same location. I won’t even get started on the dudes (Ed Hardy and tribal tattoos–need I say more?).

Needless to say, this isn’t quite my scene, nor was it the scene of any of the people I was with. Why were we even there, you ask?

The answer is simple: comped tickets.

Normally, I’ve always had an amazing time at the Congress–Passion Pit, Thievery Corporation, and Zappa Plays Zappa still stand as three of my favorite live shows–so it seemed silly to turn down FREE tickets. I mean, how bad could it really be?

Well, I’m not even going to comment on the music, especially since we didn’t even stay to hear the main act.

The goal for the night quickly became to dance as gawkily and unattractively as possible in order to keep the creepers at bay. As a result, the following dance moves were born:

  • the “hinge” — place one leg in a sturdy, athletic stance. point toe of other leg out, then twist toe in to bring knees together. Repeat.
  • the “pulling-the-kleenex-out-of-the-box” — with bent arms held out directly in front of body, rapidly alternate arms, grabbing kleenex out of an imaginary box in front of your chest, flicking wrist vigorously after each pull.
  • the “sexy seduction dance” (credit: Annie) — eyebrows perpetually raised in a “seductive” manner, this involves doing a sort of tango with absolutely no touching involved. Best used if 20 feet or more of open space is available to dart back and forth around your partner, of course never breaking the drunken alluring gaze.

I’m planning on taking these moves with me for the next season of So You Think You Can Dance. Auditions for my backup dancers will be held soon–stay tuned!